baby / life

Birthing Class – Week 2 (Baby Boogaloo)

Well, overall the class was a little more tame.  If you discount the fact that every few minutes the instructor is simulating putting something into an orifice or something coming out an orifice.

When we first got there, our instructor raised her hands and told everyone, “Tonight we’re going to get you down on the floor and work you hard.”  Maybe it’s just me that takes everything she says in a weird sexual way (nope, it’s not – everybody laughs nervously).

Then, she introduced a young woman who was going into the business of teaching baby classes.  The woman said she was moving to Alabama for her job.

“Oh,” our instructor replied.  “You’re gonna have your work cut out for you there.  Out here we’re so much more enlightened.”  We had to hide our laughter.  Sure, people in Montgomery live in the stone-ages.

It is really hard to describe how wonderfully strange this woman is.  She had a laptop and projector out.  She sat the projector so close to the screen that we couldn’t really read what was on it.  I was a little worried, but her Powerpoint was exactly one slide long.

A little later she turned it on again, for one more slide from a different file.

She also has a way with words.  She says things like “Diarrh-ear”and “Women’s Tuition.”

Biggest hint of the night – Eat spinach and oranges together,  it will help your body take in the iron.  She learned this, “Back when I worked in the Blood Bank business!”

Near the end she brought up the birth orgasm.  She asked if anyone had heard of it, but I kept my hand down.  When no one said yes, she yelled out, “It was a movie.  It played in our theatres!”  (And it is a movie.  My fellow blogger, I Can Grow People talks about it).

Then, right before we dropped to the floor to practice breathing and massage, our instructor told us all about how back rubs and nipple stimulation can help relax the wife during the first stage of labor (all while doing the nipple stimulating motions with her hands) .

Five more Mondays to go.  (We actually did learn a few things).


3 thoughts on “Birthing Class – Week 2 (Baby Boogaloo)

  1. You know, I really worry about the quality of childbirth education you are getting out there. I hope you have some books to supplement this quackery. :o)

  2. We did watch a movie in our class last night. It was on VHS, probably from about 1992 and produced by “InJoy Video”–which sounds a little like some sort of “adult” production company to me. It wasn’t too bad. I found the episode of “Deliver Me” I watched on Discovery Health last week much more traumatic than this video. No mention of the birth orgasm…and I dare not bring it up.

    Next week we will be using “birthing balls.”

    Oh, and I have to say that the title “Week 2 (Baby Bugaloo) is brilliant! Thanks for the shout out!

  3. Pingback: Childbirth Class #2: The Movie « I Can Grow People

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